Porn Valley News

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Candles flickered, drinks flowed, girls danced and The Panic Channel played to a packed house for the XFANZ Rocks Burlesque Show at the Dragonfly in Hollywood.

More than 500 fans and adult stars, directors and industry members crowded into the Dragonfly club for the formal XFANZ launch party, featuring headline act Dave Navarro on guitar for his band The Panic Channel. The event raised approximately $2,000 for ASACP and the Free Speech Coalition.

KSEX Radio’s Tony Batman greeted stars for XFANZ interviews as they walked the red carpet that led inside.

“The mainstream rock-and-roll turnout was just as good as the porn turnout,” Batman told XFANZ. “And that was fun for us porn workers to look at. Navarro rocked — his acoustic set just stopped the room.”

Navarro took the stage toward the end of the night to cheers and a blinding barrage of camera flashes. Hundreds of Navarro’s fans crowded the stage to get a look at the rock star, who wore a dark green tank top that showed off a latticework of tattoos that covered his arms.

The burlesque dancers included Sunny Lane, Lisa Ann and Jenna Presley, who danced to songs by Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake and Marilyn Manson, whose cover of “Tainted Love” accompanied Presley’s number.

Ann called the night a success.

“I had an awesome time,” said Ann, who hopped on a plane to Boise, Idaho., a few hours after the show for a dance engagement. “I can’t wait until XFANZ has another event.”

XFANZ Managing Director Alan Hawkins hosted the show, which also featured comedians Rick Overton, Michael Gelbart and Flip Shultz, who performed as his alter ego, Vaudeville-era funnyman Skippy Greene. All of the comics faced a rough and rowdy crowd.

“The comics did the very best they could, but it really wasn’t an appropriate venue for their style of comedy,” Hawkins said.

But the show was a hit, all the way to early Thursday morning, when Kurt Lockwood and his band, The Porn City Punks, took the stage for a killer set that included several original tracks and an excellent extended cover of “I Wanna Be Sedated.”

Remember when the 2 Live Crew illegally sampled that one Van Halen riff for “Welcome to the Fuck Shop”?

Yeah… That ruled.

Van Halen sued them, but I think it was settled out of court.

I also think Tone Loc stole a bunch of their shit and got away with it…

After experiences like these, you would think the last thing a famous musician would wanna do is open his home to a bunch of strangers. (Not to mention several bona-fide degenerates.)

But that’s exactly what Eddie Van Halen did last weekend, when he and Michael Ninn threw a huge party at Eddie’s mansion in the hills to celebrate the release of Sacred Sin, the latest Ninn Worx DVD.

The guest list was tight, and as usual, I arrived late. Which meant I had to wait in line with a couple hundred people — including several annoyed-looking cast members of the film.

Yeah, it sucked… But I didn’t really mind. I had been drinking since noon, so I already had a pretty good buzz going. And since cameras were banned from the party, it gave me time to figure-out how I was going to crotch my Treo.

Earlier, I watched a bootleg DVD of Van Halen at the ’83 US Festival — With Diamond Dave doing karate kicks in his ass-less chaps, and Eddie tapping the neck of his red & white Frankenstrat.

Yes, I realize how gay that sounds. But let’s face it — Eddie is one of those rare individuals that created something that forever changed the way the electric guitar would be played. Using the Floyd Rose system, he revolutionized the sound and direction of rock music — which puts him in league with guitar gods like Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, and Kip Winger.

(That last one was a joke. Kip played bass, and his band was fucking retarded.)

By the time I made it to the mansion, the party was in full-tilt. About six Jack & Coke’s later, it became downright surreal.

Walking around that party was like doing peyote while listening to Van Halen’s Fair Warning, then jerking off to porn and falling asleep while watching a Cirque du Soleil DVD.

It was essentially a Ren Faire with an open bar — Filled with acrobats, fire-breathers, and drunk chicks eating each other’s pussies by a pool.

Eddie played a set in the backyard with a band called “The Starfuckers.” They sounded great, and played a ton of nostalgic VH hits in good form.

Billy Idol was also scheduled to play, but he was a no-show. The rumor was that Idol didn’t want to be associated with the porn industry — which is retarded and ironic.

(Direct quote from Eddie: “I never missed a fucking gig in my life!”)

I only got a few shitty, low-quality pics with my camera phone. Lucky for you, the shots that turned-out were of babes like Sarah Blake, Lux Kassidy and Franchezca Valentina.

Out of everyone at the party, Eddie was the only one who looked out-of-place. He just chilled and walked-around with a bottle of wine… Sitting around the living room, tuning his guitar with a cigarette dangling from his lip, and wearing his trademark ripped boots with the toe showing.

As the party wound-down, Eddie played classical music on his grand piano. It was around this time that I was told Tianna Lynn had puked all over the foyer and passed-out. This was never confirmed, but I know the paramedics showed-up with a fire truck that blocked the entire driveway — Causing the party to go a couple more hours into the night. (No complaints here.)

Departing guests were handed gift bags that contained expensive watches, DVDs, G-strings, dildos & alcohol.

Happy Trails indeed.

Sacred Sin, featuring the music of Eddie Van Halen is now available through PornValleyXXX and Adult Video Universe.

Additional Photos ©2006 ChrisKingPhoto.com

Promoter Brad Thomas & pornographer Craven Moorehead threw a killer party in Hollywood. Several hundred close friends & total strangers turned-out.

Note: Technically, these photos start at Ethnicity Film’s All About Alexis DVD release party, but I was thrown-out within five minutes of arriving.

Don’t ask.