Porn Valley News

“I have an extremely high sex drive… I also love World of Warcraft, so I’m very comfortable around dorks.”

RAY: You realize who you look like.

KYLIE: Yeah, Elisha Cuthbert — The Girl Next Door. I get that a lot.

RAY: Sorta ironic…

KYLIE: I actually considered using a joke porn name like Elisha Cuntbush.

RAY: That would rule.

KYLIE: Yeah, but my boobs are too small. It wouldn’t make sense. I fucking hate U2, dude. Ever since they came out with that Beautiful Day song. It’s irritating and it’s not entertaining. It’s not good music.

RAY: Did you like them before that song?

KYLIE: No, I had never really heard of them before.

RAY: How’s that possible? U2 is fucking unavoidable.

KYLIE: Exactly, which I still can’t figure out.

RAY: How young are you?

KYLIE: I was born in 1985. When I first heard that song, I was irritated, but I thought… It’ll pass. Apparently not. I’m still hearing it.

RAY: What’s funny is — The last time U2 was actually interesting was before you were born.

KYLIE: Well, it’s 2006 now and they’re not making good music. Blink 182 is another one. Same thing, I don’t like it. It’s irritating.

RAY: What music do you like?

KYLIE: I like Mars Volta. I like a lot of grunge. Like Soundgarden. It reminds me of a depression state back when I was 15 or 16.

RAY: What did you do before porn?

KYLIE: I worked at Radio Shack.

RAY: But you speak perfect English…

KYLIE: [Laughs] My boss was from Mexico. He was a greedy motherfucker.

RAY: How did you get into porn?

KYLIE: I was recruited on MySpace.com. I was approached by the worst shady wannabe agent/pimp. He moved slow on me. At first, he said something like “we think you’re really beautiful… We saw your pictures. We would like to know if you would like to model for us and you’ll make $500 to $5,000 a day.” So I wrote back “wow, this is such a priveledge. Tell me more about your agency. Is there any catch?” He wrote back and told me there was no catch — That I would be paid either in cash or by check right after I modeled, and that everything was legit.

(more…)

“Our soccer coach found everything we posted online… There was nudity. There was sex… We weren’t allowed to go to Homecoming.”

RAY: Is it Jenny Hendricks or Hendrix — like Jimmy?

JENNY: Hendricks. But I like Jenny Hendrix. Maybe I should go with that…

RAY: Where are you from?

JENNY: I am originally from Florida, near Tampa. I live in Miami now. This is my first trip to L.A.

RAY: How new are you to this scene?

JENNY: I’m only 19, but I’ve been in the business for a year and a half now. I was a dancer for a little while. I was a Hawaiin Tropic model, a Rockstar Energy Drink model… And then there was the scene I did with my sister! That got some big news.

RAY: Your sister?

JENNY: Yeah. I fucked my sister.

RAY: What is the title of that movie? And more importantly — Where can I find it?

JENNY: (Laughs) It’s called Sisterliscious. I’m not sure who put it out.

RAY: And she’s your biological sister?

JENNY: Yeah. I like my sister. She’s cool.

(more…)

Ray posts: Nicole Brazzle and Courtney Simpson hit the Britney Rears party dressed as trashy schoolgirls. And by “hit the party” I mean they practically took the motherfucker over.

Which is good.

I mean, what’s a party without hot teen sluts prancing around, flashing their tits and having orgasms onstage?

A friend pointed-out that Nicole reminds him of that crazy bitch from HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES — The girl with nutty eyes and the psycho laugh. She’s the kind of girl that scares you, but at the same time gives you a boner.

Know what I mean?

It’s like if you were to walk into a room and find a hot, naked mental patient strapped to a bed. Even tho she was laughing all mental and making weird noises, you would still have no problem fucking her because she was hot, strapped-down and naked. But in the middle of it, you would probably think to yourself “Jesus, I’m fucking a mental patient.”

Anyway… Here’s how the interview went down:

Ray: So… You girls basically took this party over.

Nicole: Yes we did!

Ray: You realize it was technically Britney Rears’ party…

Nicole: Well, I definitely promoted Britney Rears, tho because I love her to DEATH!

(more…)