What a fucking week! Lots of parties – Yes I am very popular, I am very lovable and non-threatening. Well, to most. There are some who find my presence very intimidating, but what can I say — Insecurity is a bitch.
But never mind all that. April Storm’s “Porn to Rock” Birthday party kicked serious ass. This was no cock-blocking sausage-fest. (Not like last year, which I am forbidden to mention.) No, this was an intensely good time. Lots of peeps getting laid and drunk and in general trying to forget who and what they are.
Also — I apologize for the censorship, but these 2257 reforms have me by the balls. Just know that I consider every blocked nipple a victory for tyranny… Every obscured cock a win for Islamo-Fascism… And every distorted pussy a triumph for the American Taliban…
I know what you’re thinking. Man, this Ray fellow is amazing. He is social and spiritual. He is a partier and introspective. Yes I am cut from fine cloth folks. I feel sorry for you that you don’t have what I have. I also have Vitamin Water in the fridge.
Later that night, some of us hit April’s afterparty at a super-secret location in Porn Valley. This was a gathering that would have made Caligula blush, so naturally I was forbidden from photographing any of it. You’ll just have to use your filthy imaginations — Which I know you fuckers are good at.
I’m actually pretty good at it myself, so I think I’ll go do it for about 6 minutes, then go to sleep.
I leave you now with April’s official recap…
April’s recap of the 5th Annual PORN TO ROCK
Here is my recap of the evening… Quite a few of you have asked me to write a little about this year’s Porn to Rock so I’ll do my best to take those of you that missed it there..sit back…grab a drink and enjoy
A very dear girlfriend that unfortunately had to work the next day offered to drop me off at the club as her present so I wouldn’t have to drive. (Thanks Baby Girl) I figured once I got there I’d find some kind soul to take me home (Thanks again Greg Baby) I walked up to the ropes to find groups of my beautiful Adult Industry and Music Industry friends standing in all these lines waiting to get in, not sure why there seemed to be 6 different entrance lines? (what the hell was that about anyway?) I hate unorganized doors/lines but this wasn’t my problem this time because I was not there to work the door to my own bday party and knew that I could count on Brad to make sure everyone that needed to get in would. I did however call out to everyone that I saw in line that was there for Porn to Rock to come in with me and I was so glad to be able to at least do my part to get the initial group right in.
I was stopped at the door because a friend of mine (Thanks Robbie Sweetie) had given me alcohol as a gift and the club told me they’d hold it in the safe and return it to me later, yeah right, I’m still waiting for all of my alcohol (several of you told me that you brought me bottles and unfortunately though it was very much appreciated I didnt get them…YET..Brad said he’d get them but I’m still waiting). I walked in to hear PINK’s “Party Started” playing and that’s exactly what I was thinking as I walked through the door. I was quite pleased to see the very rock ‘n roll motif of the club. I was a little concerned it might be a little “too Hollywood” for me when I first agreed to the location but Brad insisted I’d dig it and I did.
The sexy DJ Dollie did an AMAZING job and met all of my requests. 1. I asked she dress sexy wasn’t she a hottie? 2. Keep the music rockin’ and be sure to include LOTS of 80s rock n roll and toss in a little dance and even one or two country songs for me. I must say she did a FABULOUS job because there was not ONE complaint when Gretchen Wilson’s “All Jacked Up” hit the speakers nor did any of my rocker friends complain when Britney Spears “Toxic” played. I DID however receive more compliments than I can remember on the music selection which ranged from Winger (Blake you missed it and it was for you baby), Def Leppard to Cheap Trick and Kiss (I sure know Gram was happy about that!) We all rocked out and yes, some with their cocks out (T-Reel but then when isnt his cock out? We love you baby)
One of the first faces I remember seeing was my dear friend Andrea (Andies) who had come all the way from Indiana. She won the prize this year for coming the furthest (well by forfeit actually because Suzy Q. who traveled from Tampa had originally locked that spot down but didn’t like the door guys and decided to leave when they made her wait in line and were rude to her (those bastards!!! She was a VIP and was supposed to get RIGHT in damn those door guys!) Sorry about that Suzy baby but we did make up for it a bit at the Rainbow last night right? At least we got some quality time together baby and thank you again for my AMAZING gifts. Ok, back to my other special friends Andies(Your Fantasy Girl loves you sniff-NEAT-sniff) As I was hugging Andrea I felt a tap on my shoulder and viola I turned around to find another very special friend of mine that traveled a pretty damn good distance too…Cheryl. What a surprise!!! I had NO idea that she was coming and it blew my mind to see her pretty face. I was then introduced (again, met him at NAMM many moons ago) to the sexy Yogi and you can never have too many hot rockers at your party so I was happy to see him there.
Everything is a bit of a blur because I was bombarded by boobs, hands, lips and gifts so you’ll have to forgive me. I do remember seeing the sexy Phyllisha Anne, Alex Sanders and Nick Manning what a bunch of hotties can’t wait to use that massage certificate but can I turn it in and get one from Phyllisha instead of the salon?? There were so many people there and if I listed everyone this would be a book so please don’t be offended if I don’t list you-I love you ALL!!!
I saw Luke Ford coming at me with his camera and I freaked a bit at first, you know that man takes the WORST pictures that are so very unflattering but what the hell…I begged him not to zoom in and still he managed to take pictures where I look horrible…gotta love the man, after all he was the very first person to RSVP to my party so I give the man credit, and he’s got a cute accent. Mmmmonica and her beautiful boobies were there and always welcome. Girl, we really need to spend more time hanging out, these birthday parties and run-ins at the Rainbow are just not enough.
Let me see how can I pull this all together…and not make it a novel? There were tons of hot chicks and yes ladies there were plenty of HOT men there as well. I HAVE GREAT BIRTHDAY PARTIES lol I had the ever so sexy Blake Davis and Mark Jackson (I love them both very very much) my boys from the band Army of Freshmen (sorry boyz you’re outted and I have the pictures to hold for ransom lol) Tory from The Black Mollys and so many others (again, if I listed everyone it would take all night)
I can’t leave out my sexy friend Bad Ass Frank because he deserves his own special mention because between him and Ray at Porn Valley News gave me probably the most intimate and satisfying birthday presents that night hee hee (thanks ladies it was a GREAT after party because of you…wink)
But back to my hotties…Tylene Buck…who is a party for me alone…I was a little disappointed that she didn’t come in the red bow that she had promised to be wrapped in. But Im sure she’ll make that up to me at a later date. Perhaps March 3rd when we go see my beloved friends (the band SEDONA) in Sacto, CA right girlie??? My new friend Nicole or as she refers to herself on myspace Queen B lol she’s not kiddin’ and Im really a little nervous about what she may have captured on her camera cause that woman was trigger happy and after all the cocktails that you were all buying me I was very happy myself and with that easy access dress I had on seemed to be showing what I usually keep covered up. Hee hee (Hey, it was MY birthday and Im allowed…right?)
A favorite moment was when my old friends Robert who used to work with me at Seymore, Inc. walked up to me and said he hadn’t brought a gift but wanted to give me a great birthday experience and reached down between my legs and gave me a little taste of this incredibly strong vibrator that he had that fit perfectly in the palm of your hand. I immediately grabbed it from him and wanted to share with all of my girlfriends so I went around to the ladies that were close by and put my hands between their legs to give them the same experience…what are friends for? My mom always taught me to share…so Mmmmmonica, Kitty Sparkle, and poor Tamar (who I knocked off her feet because she was SO surprised…got a little vibrating fun) Sooo sorry about that Tamar hee hee I didnt mean to scare you (but don’t tell me you didn’t love the way that felt..tee hee I know you want one now too! lol )
Another favorite moment was when the cake came out I forgot to mention that we had two VERY hot waitresses a blonde and a brunette one each for whatever floats your boat. The beautiful brunette brought out my cake and Jodi Marie put the candles on for me to blow…yes Frank..I was only blowing candles this night, I swear! Yogi wasn’t too far away because that boy sure does love his cake and I was sure to give him three (yes three) pieces…where the hell does it go? (I swear I hate men! lo) Then my sweet friend Blake came over to help me finish off cutting and serving the cake. Again, I received many comments on how good the cake was but I didn’t get to have a piece myself because after I was done serving everyone else, I turned around and the cleaning staff had cleared away my cake ALONG with my full drink damn that club. lol But really…who cares…the music rocked and I had hundreds of my closest friends all around I was having the BEST time.
My girlfriends pointed out at one point there was a line of people waiting to take pictures with me and Im still waiting to see everyones pictures from the night so please if you took pics please send em my way.
I can’t even begin to describe all the craziness and nakedness that was going on in all the corners, booths, dance floors and barsbut Im sure you can all use your imaginations. My beautiful and sexy roommate was handing out spankings (not just birthday ones but to any beautiful tushy that found it’s way into her lap. I believe I even captured her giving a nice solid bite on Amber Rayne’s perky bottom. I swear I have the world’s BEST roomie you know you’re all jealous!
Of course speaking of Tushies…I had two other VERY lovely ones that can never be over-looked there celebrating my bday and that was the best tushy in the biz Miss Flower Tucci and the beautiful Sunny Lane. Flower was so sweet the girl has been working her ass to the bone but still made every effort to be there to celebrate her Mama Tush’s birthday and it was very much appreciated because she had a rough scene that day and had yet another first thing the next morning. What a f’n trooper my girl is…she still took time to be there for me and ya just gotta love her and give her props for that! Sunny Lane was looking stunning in her sexy little dress and if anyone got any good pics of these ladies please share them with me because I only seemed to capture Sunny’s tushy with faces all around. Lol Who would pass up a chance to rest their head on that tush though honestly?
Let’s see my sweet little girl Amber Peach was there and again some how she managed to get away without me capturing her on my camera I was so happy to see her there since shes sorta stepped up to the plate as one of my newest girls after all of our time together in Vegas this year. She’s a doll and such a sweetheart.
Honestly there were just so many beautiful girls there it was great. I only wish I could have brought you ALL home with me;) Because when the party wrapped up at Privilege a few of the girls and yes, some very lucky boys decided to come back to my place to continue the night since we just weren’t ready to say good night. Of course I’ll just say that it was a BLAST and I absolutely love Bad Ass Models hee hee
I wish I could tell you more but I need to protect the not so innocent..myself included
Thank you all for coming out to this year’s PORN TO ROCK and I hope to have an even better one next year. We will have to lock down our own club so NO ONE is given any shit at the door and absolutely no one is to pay to get in. If were lucky perhaps we can have DJ Dollie back next year and yes Gram my set list will be emailed to you soon. You can burn the soundtrack from Porn To Rock and I want a copy. Hee hee
Mama Tush (April Storm.aka Aprillina) lol